I only have eyyyyyeeessss foooo-ooorrr yoooooouuu!
The Apple of My Eyes??Dear Mr. Jobs,
I ruined a beloved sweater today. I ruined it with excessive drooling caused by the launch of your new gizmo.
I expect to be reimbursed for the cost of the sweater in rebate form when I am finally able to get my hot little Canadian hands on one. In fact, you had better include the cost of a new pair of TOMS, too. (I wasn't wearing TOMS at the time, but it would be a nice gesture.)
I will be available to discuss the terms of my request with your rugged British designer from the demonstration video, preferably in a dimly-lit restaurant over a fine meal and a glass of wine...
Thank you, as always, for the inspired works and for distracting me from the world's troubles with shiny, shiny things.
I remain forever loyal (addicted) to your respectable and certainly evil empire.